Relationship

What is it?

The word relationship is sometimes misconstrued to mean just an association between two people of the opposite sex. However, relationship is way beyond this context. It spans across many spheres of association, not just between two people of the opposite sex, but amongst two or more people of either the opposite or same sex. Relationship entails a set of ordered tuples, an interaction or association between two or more people.

Relationship can be built on many spheres of life, it could be an association between:

1.    Workers
2. Families
3. Friends
4. Classmates
5. Peer groups
6. Lovers
7. Siblings
8. Criminals
9. Organizations
10. Etc

From the above, it is obvious that one can relate at different spheres of life. But what is most important is how we relate with one another or a group of people. Relating with people or someone is not just about knowing the person and talking to them. It goes way beyond that, it goes to knowing what their needs are as much as you know yours. Below are some seven tips on how to relate and associate with people. Of course, it is not restricted to this seven alone. There are other factors to consider, but we will only talk on these seven.

1. What is your motive of associating with them?
2. Are you willing to accept their flaws?
3. What are you willing to give in order to retain the relationship?
4. Are you able to go the extra mile of knowing what they need?
5. Can you be there for them?
6. Do you have any long-term plan with them?
7. How sincere can you be with them?

Now let’s break them in chewable piece for easy absorption.

1. What is your motive of associating with them?

It is always said that “when the purpose of something is not defined, abuse is inevitable”. This is factual. Even in business or any other life endeavors, you can’t venture into something without having a purpose in mind or something you wish to achieve. No matter how minute of insignificant the purpose might be, there is always a purpose and that purpose is what you need to determine and define very well, understand what it actually entails and how it will affect the other person or people either positively or negatively.

Any purpose without consideration on how it affects the other person is synonymous to selfishness. And if it is selfish, it is not healthy and if it is not healthy, it will surely end in disaster. When a married man decides to stop his children from attending social functions just because he doesn’t want to get them exposed to social violence, he is actually doing something some people could see as a nice approach but on the other hand, it could be detrimental to the children. They might end up as sociopaths or anything of close proximity. The children could also develop hate for the father if they in one way or the other think that the father doesn’t like them or is ashamed of showing them off. There are a thousand and one catastrophe that could emanate between father and children due to this kind of act by a father.

Also, some people do join a work group just to feed off from other people’s hard work. Such motive is not healthy for a work relationship. It doesn’t build a long-lasting work relationship. Disaster will arise once the others realize that they are being used by someone whom they thought was actually one of them.  

More so, if the purpose of having a relationship with someone of the opposite sex is not healthy, the relationship will be short-lived. The purpose of any relationship should always be defined and healthy if such relationship is to last the test of time.

For workers to work in peace and harmony, they must have good motives for working together. It could be same or complementing. It shouldn’t be selfish and unhealthy. Purpose is a very key factor in a relationship. If a man starts dating a young lady with the intention of luring her to bed or because of her physical appearance, such relationship is most likely destined for an untimely death. Someone might be saying within himself/herself that sometimes people come with bad intentions and end up finding something in the relationship that is worth clinging to. I will agree with you just a little bit but not totally. Reason is that, the same way first impression matters, so does first thought or motive about someone, people, something or an organization. I could remember in my secondary school days, sometime when I was in S.S.S 1 (Senior secondary school one). We were given a further mathematics take home assignment by our principal then, Mr. Francis Edeth. He is by far the most humanly man I have ever met.  His relationship with a few of us that were close to him was very healthy. He could make out an enormous amount of time in between his tight schedule just to attend to you on a personal basis irrespective of what your problem is. So, back to what happened then. When we got our assignments back from him after assessment, I could remember vividly what he wrote on one of my classmate’s assignment booklet; “How can you be wrong and get right”. If by chance you didn’t understand that very well, I would recommend you take your time and read that statement over again. That statement alone, deserves a whole book on it to illustrate the mistakes we make in life. “How can you be wrong and get right?”, how can you have a wrong purpose and keep a very nice and healthy relationship? Remember, a relationship is healthy only if it is mutual. We will talk about mutuality of relationships later. This mutuality can only be achieved if we have the right kind of purpose in mind when dealing with people.

An interrogator and a suspect have their own kind of relationship. If the suspect doesn’t want to be tortured, I guess you know what he or she ought to do? He just has to bring in a positive and healthy purpose into the relationship which is telling the truth and nothing but the truth although in some cases the interrogators still get to punish the suspect if they think the truth is not what it is. But with the current invention of lie dictating machines, unnecessary torture could be avoided if the suspect builds the relationship by saying the truth.

Even in our families, what purpose do we have in mind for our family? Our motives for relating with each and every member of the family determines to a great extent, the kind of co-existence we would have, either peaceful or not. Some children prioritize their mother over their father just because the mother gives them money or does any other thing of their interest. Most times the reason or purpose is not healthy and this can only be known when such person no longer gets whatever it is they were enjoying from the mother. Then, you will those with materialistic intentions in mind withdrawing from their mother.

How does your motive affect the other person? your motive could be good but how does the other person receipt it? What effect does it have on them? Take for instance, I get to meet a someone who has a particular weakness that he has been dealing with and I decide to relate with him with the purpose of helping him work on his weakness. Before I impose my good will on the person, I need to consider how my newly found friend would react to my intentions. That being considered will then help me find the right way to throw my goodwill at him to avoid throwing them off on the context that am either judging them for their weakness or am imposing too much on them at a time. Considering how the other person feels about what we are bringing is very important. It might be good but the way you present it might be harmful to the person receiving.

In conclusion to this, the motive for being in any relationship should be defined and very healthy. It shouldn’t be built on materialism rather on personalism. The traits someone possesses should be a prime factor while you relate with them and not the materials they possess. Those things can go with time but personality will always surpass them by far. Define your purpose very well and put into consideration how it affects the other person.

I can go on and on to say a lot on this section but I have to stop here for the sake of not feeding you with too much info at a time.

By this time next week, I will talk on the second section which is “Are you willing to accept their flaws?”. Visit my blog always for nice tips like this. See next Saturday on the continuation of our “Relationship tips” edition titled “Relationship”.

Drop a question on the comment section if you have any Or you can whatsapp me on 07069579954 lets iron it out. Have a nice weekend. For my Christian friends, tomorrow is Sunday, so, make sure you go to church. See yah all tomorrow on our Gospel edition. Don’t miss out on it. Bye for now.

ACE cares.

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